An Amazing Story About Anxiety

Rachel was an anxious person. When something worried her, it took much of her energy and she felt crippled. Any situation can trigger fears of unrealistic thoughts and those thoughts can led anyone to peseverate especially someone who is naturally anxious. 

Rachel was once in love and the person she loved was apparently never invested in her as much as she was. My conclusion to Rachel's story was that it should have ended there and then. However, Rachel was blind in love. She never knew the real true story. Love does not come with percentages that you love me this percent and I will love you back this percent. Percentage is not love. It is a business. It is a need. It is a bargain. She was naive and never knew what she got herself into till the day came when she found that the person she was in love with was continuously cheating on her. He use to ask for forgiveness and get involved in another person. She found out about him through apparent evidences. She felt sad and hurt. She started developing anxiety due to this situation. They broke up. They separated. She lost the charm of believing in love. For her love was never a business deal or a bargain. It comprised of genuine feelings.

The guy she loved came back few years later. She never fell out of love because for her love was not a bargain or a business but the guy believed in certain bargaining business deals. When he figured the business deal or the behavioral economics of that relationship was not feasible he left again. By writing a note to the girl that the deal that he was trying did not happen and he has to leave and it is the end again. 

The girl in few days had a dream of the same guy cheating on her again which made her angry and upset. Her dreams had come true previously. Thinking about the dream and previous events made her angry. It hurt her and triggered her anxiety and fear.  She felt angry of why the guy ever cheated and why she deserved it. Why the guy came back and planned this business and bargain deal which if it won't work he will leave again. Why he feels it is convenient for him to come and go.... 

Even after all what happened he wanted her not to react. On her immediate reaction, he taunt and criticize her for being not mentally and physically stable. What a great source of comforting guy he was, who internalizes his depression and anxiety and used other ways to satisfy him.

Criticized Rachel for her mental stability which she was aware of. 

An amazing love story about anxiety!! 

If love is blind

Love is an expression to give, to receive and to endure.

They say love is blind but if it was blind enough why it hurt so much. 

If it was blind enough why I feel so much. Love is blind to be perfect. 

The imperfect expression of love is blind. 

I am blind in love. I see no color. 

I am blind in love. I see no shape 

I am blind in love. I feel no pain 

I am blind in love. I feel no hurt

If I see and feel it is no love. 

Needing and Using 

I just finished watching a drama, based on Qandeel Baloch's life. Today's episode or should I say the episode I got to watch today stressed me out. I was extremely annoyed and felt helpless. I'm not sure what exactly happened in real life. However, according to the story on television, her brother had borrowed some money from someone. He could not return the money, therefore the cops put him behind the bars. She goes over to request some more time from the cops to help release her brother. Somehow, she ends up letting the cops use her sexually and gets successful in helping her brother come out of jail. This scene was painful to watch. Because the woman or an individual who the media were depicting as a hero of feminism and human race seemed weak to me. She let individuals use her to meet her and her family needs. She definitely had a right to use her body the way she chooses to, but giving in to manipulation, is it really heroic?  I am not sure? What if after the Cops had used her they did not release her brother from the jail.

 I'm so frustrated right now thinking of how some people justify their manipulation. I'm trying to understand how individuals build their lives on needing people or having someone  need them to feel being reinforced. This whole idea of using, needing and not taking responsibility drives me crazy. 

Different

 Conversations with a psychologist is always interesting, especially one to another psychologist. 

Today, I was sharing with an American friend that how every American I come across is different from the other. I shared that I can predict behavior of people from my country.  However, I cannot analyze people of America as each seemed to be different from the other. She said something that resonated. She shared that because I came from a country which was religiously and culturally inclined. Everybody in my country was trained in certain pattern of mannerisms and traditions. Most of the traditions were black and white in nature. However, in United States of the America, people come from different countries. She shared that her family was a mix of Irish, German, Italian, and French. She also said by the time traditions are passed on there is no set rules that are followed. The diversity and freedom of speech make Americans different. It was a unique perspective. Definitely learning for me. 

Biasness

Identity automatically leads us to a biased thinking. Defensiveness is a product and a solution that helps us to justify our stance. We forget what actually is objective. The biasness is so subtle that we cannot recognize it even when we try to. A few days back, when the President of the United States of America, announced that Jerusalem should be part of Israel. I received several messages from my Muslims friends in different parts of the world about this announcement. Everyone seemed upset about this issue. I don't have any political preferences. However, I think I am a bit religiously inclined. Jerusalem is a special place for me as Jesus Christ was born there. As much as I respect the place of my Lord's birth. I do not want individuals fighting over it as well. I want it to be a place of sanctity and holiness. It is a special place for three major religions in the world.

Having said all that, my response to my friends was that the World is becoming a political place and people use religion as a way to oppress others and they should not take it personally. I added that majority always oppresses minority. I highlighted issues of religious persecution around the world.

Well, that did not go very well with my friends. Two of my friends quite frankly called  me biased and insensitive. I was offended and defensive about it. I tried my level best to explain my perspective. However, I ended up annoying them even more. Finally, one of my friends, he being very expressive about his ideology shared with me the issue as a result of his frustration due to being stuck in the traffic. The traffic was held as people protesting on the road against that  announcement. I without validating his concern according to him trashed it, by saying it is political and I'm not into politics. He felt that I was invalidating his concern and seemed insensitive towards the issue.

After this conversation with him I realized, How I should have at least validated his and other friends feelings of hurt and not condoned or compared it with other scenarios in the world. When I realized, my shortcomings, I apologized. Things became much more clear and crisp.  My friend stated this at the end of our conversation, "we both belong to different religions, so definitely, we got well-documented differences".

Sometimes understanding differences and our own identity helps us to be empathetic to others who are different.

City of Angels

City of Angels

Seth: You're a good doctor.
Maggie: How do you know?
Seth: I have a feeling.
Maggie: Yeah, well that's pretty flimsy evidence.
Seth: Close your eyes. Just for a second... what am I doing?
Maggie: You're... touching me.
Seth: How do you know?
Maggie: Because I feel it.
Seth: You should trust that. You don't trust it enough.

I believe in love, however everyone around me tells me there is nothing such as love that exists. May be, they are right. However, just because of, some not so right experiences, an individual should not give up on the idea of love. If I believe in love so strongly, I am sure there are people around me who believe in it as strongly as I do or even more.

The movie "City of Angel" was one of my favorite movies while growing up. I have watched it many times. However, for a few days I had a strong urge to watch it again. Today, after I came back from work. I started to watch the movie. It is amazing how an angel falls in love with a heart surgeon. He appreciates her and feel connected with her. However, the girl does not like the idea of him not being able to feel her touch. She gets frustrated. The angel gives his eternity up to feel and touch her. He becomes a human and starts to feel and touch. The girl dies in front of him. She apologizes to him for having him change into a human. However, he says that he had no regret as her one touch was enough for eternity.

Even at the end when another angel questions him if he would have still changed into a human if he had known that the girl was going to die. He answers by saying, "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One."

"One" what a beautiful concept and idea of love. One moment spent right in love can give you something to look forward to and help you to give up eternity.

Love the song of the movie "Iris" by GooGoo Dolls https://youtu.be/JiXnswDyZAQ


And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Behind Every Woman

Behind every successful man there is a woman! 

Today, I drove my dad back from my uncle's 60th birthday party. It was me and my dad. A twenty-five minutes drive back to our place. As much as I love my dad it is rare that we both agree on anything. It is just phenomenal, how we cannot live without each other but have no patience for each other's views and perspectives. An inseparable bond. We spoke about my studies and work on our way back to home. He wanted to give me an advice of how I should listen to him because according to him, whenever I don't listen to him I get myself in trouble.

This conversation with him later on led me to a flashback, where I went down the memory lane. As a child, I used to ride my dad's shoulder when he and my mom went out for a walk. We use to walk to get ice cream some nights as a family and at other times walked to get sugarcane juice. We also walked to a neighborhood park with slides. 

Childhood memories are the best. My dad always gave me that confidence growing up, even though, he was so strict in his approach. Years went by, and I figured how he trained me to be independent decision maker. He at times probably did not agree with me and what I believed in. However, he gave me that power to share my views. I felt at times how uncomfortable my dad must be because of my decisions. However he managed to control himself to let me be. It must be so hard for him to be so strong headed dealing with an equally strong headed personality that he had no control over as years went by. It is easy to have someone ride you on your shoulder and walk with you to get ice cream. However, dealing with a demanding and opinionated personality it must be hard. I have to give my dad credit for being so supportive even when he was comfortably uncomfortable, It must be hard. 

Dad, thank you! You have changed the phrase now to, behind every progressing woman there is a man who is constantly challenging her and keeping his own opinions to himself. 

Thank God it's Friday

I have heard this famous phrase for years now. We get so excited as soon as Thursday ends and wait for Friday. 

Every Friday, we keep congratulating each other for the last working day and wish each other an awesome and amazing weekend.

We rush our lives to get to a Friday. 

Last year, it dawned on me that when we look forward to a Friday, we fast forward the other days of the week. It is sad that our work is probably not motivating or relaxing enough that we have to look forward to a two day break. Breaks are needed but living for breaks just defeats the purpose of living. Only if we learn to enjoy our work, we would not be looking forward to a break but will be enjoying each moment of our lives like a Friday. 

Life Starts to End

Where the breathing ends, the screams starts 

Where the scream ends, the pain starts

Where the pain ends, the denial starts

Where the denial ends, the acceptance starts

Where the acceptance ends, the life starts to end! 

Determination

I have loved Bikram Yoga for a couple of years now. However, recently I have started to love it even more. It is relaxing and intense at the same time. The early morning classes are hard to attend, but with determination you can reach your destination and goals. 

Last Tuesday, I aimed for a 6 am class. The studio is 20 to 25 minutes away from my home. I have to get up around 5 am to be there at 6. However, that morning I got up at 5 and started to get ready when I went to the parking lot. My sister parked just behind my car. I was so frustrated but well wanted to stay in the yogi mode. "Keep calm and let it go". I woke my sister up and asked her to move her car. She moved her car. I knew I was late. I knew they would lock the doors and there would be no way I could attend my yoga practice. Anyways, I called up the studio and the instructor said that he will start at 6 am. He kept saying that be there at 6. I just drove with the intention to attend and did not want to hear no. 

When I reached the studio, I was a few minutes late but the instructor waited for me. He said, "Anna, you are all signed up, please enjoy your class!" 

I just went in and enjoyed every bit of the practice. 

I felt my practice started the moment I woke up till I left the class. 

Yes, they say in the class let it all go and stay with the moment. You cannot hold on to anything. You just let it be and let it go. 

Like they say at the end of each practice. Namaste! 🙏

Negative Reinforcement and Love

I wonder why individuals instigate other human beings. Why they have to write things about others that can cause frustration? 

For example, writing about using convenient mix to make turkey and fruit chat/salad. Moreover, making it a point to mention that how can we measure someone's skills. 

How can a person prove their skills? By hunting down a turkey and growing a fruits in the farm? 

The seasoning of the turkey was made with butter and herbs. Salt and pepper were sprinkled and fruits and vegetables were cut for stuffing. How difficult was that? 

It is so sad that people who doubt have experienced first hand cooking skills. For example, chicken Marsala, Brown rice chicken 

and many more etc. Not bragging because it might have not tasted so good or good enough. Thanks 

Some people just remember mean stuff to humiliate the other person. If they don't even remember your name and call you by someone else's name what more can you expect from them. 

Now they write about stuff to compensate because they called you by the name of the person they currently love. 

They want your attention because they are getting it from all their other friends and they seem to think you are missing in action by not chasing them. 

I wish people understood love. But well, everyone has their own definition of love, that is why people you love might never love you back or care for your love, because their definition is different from yours. 😊

Thank You 😊

Some people walk in our lives quietly. We realize their existence when they become special to us. We argue and disagree with them and still feel their presence in our life even when they walk out of our lives. Every experience with them is learning. Special people help us realize how special we are after they leave us. They provide us with an experience to explore ourselves and find the good we have in us. When we figure that good and uniqueness in us because of them. All we need to do is to thank God for the special them. God bless them!! Thank you!

Profiling or Association: What is the difference? 

Is stereotyping or racial profiling equal to racism or being racist? 

When people unconsciously profile you or associate you with someone based on your nationality or color, are they profiling you? I guess that should be forgiven right? 😜😂

Today, a colleague asked me if I watch Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari? I immediately made a joke that yes I do but I also watch Tom Cruise. I asked him why he asked me that question. He said that he wants to know more about my culture. 

How come Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari who were born in United States of America represent my culture? 

I teased him do you know the guy who hosted the show "George ka Pakistan". He is American too. Do you like him or know him? 

I asked him what if I had told him that "Tom Cruise" reminded me of him. 

I concluded that I like Gerard Butler and Ryan Gosling more than I know and like Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari. All four of them are born and bred American. Their color does not make them any less American. 😊🙏

I teased and called him, "racist colleague". We both laughed. I shared this with my other colleagues too. 😂😂😂

Motivation

Some people care for you because you are divorced. They care  for you because your current husband and you are having issues. They have to be nice to you because you have explained how ill you have been treated and how miserable you felt. 

You don't know what had happened. How they fell in love just because now they need you and you like to be needed you want to agree with everything they explain you. 

When a woman is weak, in need and helpless is only when some men like her. May be another reason can be that woman is capable of fulfilling this man's sexual desires. 

A few years back when you call someone ugly, then conveniently now you send them their old picture of when you called them ugly and tell them that this picture is to motivate them. What should you get of it? Your inconsistency that nothing can ever satisfy you.

Only a divorcee or a needy person can satisfy you. Some people are naturally needy. Find one so they can fulfill your desire and you can fulfill theirs. 

Divorcee always attract some individuals. It is not bad but sometimes some individuals just  like some experience and their need. 

 

😊😊😊

Sent from my iPhone

Meaningless Meaningless

Mental illness is not a curse. People who use it to insult people are the ones who consider it as a curse. 

We all have some kind of mental health concern. No one is normal. Professionals and numerous educated people in America, take pride in sharing about their mental health concerns. For them it is probably like talking about flu, cold, etc. They identify their issues so the concerns won't affect them  in their daily routines. 

However, on other hands if individuals use mental concerns to curse other people. For example, "you are mentally sick" or "you are hallucinating", they would always consider mental health issues as awful. They would think of it as a stigma.

People who express themselves don't hold grudges. People who have difficulty expressing themselves hold grudges.

How can someone judge that I have avoided and not face my concerns. How have I been throwing dirt at someone? Sharing something or being concerned is dirt? 

Yes, be inspired and keep watching these videos to influence you and your future decisions. I don't want to watch it to aggravate myself anymore. 

 Like it has been said by someone million times, "we are different"! So let it be! 

2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

May God bring future prosperity to an individual's life and bless their upcoming years. Amen 

As humans we should always pray for blessings for our fellow humans on their special day. 

Self-Claimed Love

There are two types of rights: personal rights of the person and then there are personal rights of the person's relatives, a person claims to love. 

If you call the person's relative for sake to convey a message and that was your last call to them, is it wrong? 

Like previously, a man from ICF was approached and he was mean. If this person who was called was offended she/he should have showed some kind of annoyed feeling. They seemed excited to hear the person's voice. They both felt comfortable. Was that wrong? 

Anyways, that was the last call to them before this person was blamed and had to call the person again to justify.

Yes, the person who claimed to love can most likely tell the other person not to call because they are different and the person does not think the person loves the other person. 100% fair! The person who was told not to call respects the othe person's desire and understand that they don't love this person who claims to love them. 

However, this other person can choose and have the right to call any other person and others have a right to call them. 

Anyways, the person is not making frequent calls to their relatives. The person just called because the person thought the other person might end up hurting them self, because of the way the person was talking about them-self.

May be, what that person was exhibiting was attention seeking but this person had to take that sign seriously, and had to make sure the person received some kind of help. Person's safety. 

People have all the right to know where and who their relatives are calling, but threatening and monitoring them. Is that right? Interrogating them not directly but making stories to interrogate? Is that right? 

Literally, forcing them not to call and being mean to them? How much human right is that? 

Just to give a little heads up, please read on dementia because the person called, was emotional and expressed they forget things and it was hard and they feel frustrated about it. 

Please again, read about dementia. People getting old they start forgetting stuff they need to be repeated stuff so they don't forget it. Don't embarrass them if they don't give you the right answer if they forget a fact. 

As people are getting old they start showing signs of dementia. 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/amp/320093

Anyways, when you don't want to be controlled. You should not control others as well. 

Moreover, using a person with some special needs to monitor is the worst you are doing to them. How unhealthy is that? For your personal gains? How much of a selfless act is that? Controlling everyone for your need and to gain loyalty. Amazing I am impressed!! 

Glad that now this person is taught the meaning of love from the person who this person claimed to love. Therefore, now this person know this person was never in love.

This person is now actually more aware, why this person ends up finding needy person to love. Because they desire to be needed and the other person need them. Both just trying to keep the other person around and not being honest.

Moreover, a person who cannot love their own child and was trying to seek help and intimacy while the person was still married and in relationship. Is that love? 

This act shows that person has a dependent personality they need someone to depend on. It is just an analysis not a judgement. 

Some info about dependent personality:

• Difficulty making decisions without reassurance from others
• Extreme passivity
• Problems expressing disagreements with others
• Avoiding personal responsibility
• Avoiding being alone
• Devastation or helplessness when relationships end
• Unable to meet ordinary demands of life
• Preoccupied with fears of being abandoned
• Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
• Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others (DSM)

Adam and Rachel 

There was a boy named Adam, and there was this girl named Rachel.

Rachel loved Adam. He never understood her love and took it casually. The last time they decided not to speak to each other. 

Rachel was concerned and felt the need to speak to Adam's mother to request her to speak to Adam more frequently than the mother already did. 

Because she thought she was not going to speak to him ever again and wanted him to be safe. 

She did not understand why he blamed her for splitting the family, when actually she was asking and requesting his mother to call him more frequently. 

He called her, "a liar!" "a hypocrite!" " A person who split families!"

Rachel had to write a note to herself, "don't let him break you!" "Be strong!" "This is what he is good at!"

Adam wrote to her the following words, "Look the next man you will find, how much he will cheat on you. Your behavior and arguments are so punching that it is better to cheat and be content with the peace of mind rather than tolerating your hallucinating mind."

"A mental case like you."

Rachel was not appreciative of his mean words. He should not be proud of his behaviors. Adam should not cultivate fear in her for future decisions. Rachel was not asking Adam to tolerate her any more. 

Sometimes, individuals just try to pull others down to make themselves feel good. 

This is what I call power struggle. Breaking individuals by triggering hurt, fear and anxiety.

Make not break people! 😊

She only wished that her fantasy of what she called love stayed. 

Love may be, was a myth!

Suicide 

My sister came home hysterical today. She informed the family that one of her friends committed suicide. She was informed by the family of the friend. 

My sister is traumatized after she heard the painful news. May God give peace to his soul. Amen 

Please, don't take anyone's threat to kill themselves casually. Make sure you try to get help for them. Speak to them if you can. Suicide is one of the main causes of death in young adults. 

Please, be supportive and be there! 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline! https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/

Revenge

You split families! You break relationships. How can an outside person have power and authority to break something? How their few minutes and hours interaction break or split something that was built over the years? How someone not able to take revenge? How come the insulting language they use is still not revenge enough?

“ Hurting people hurt other people.” 

The person has already warned that God will bring judgement. Should the person warned be scared?  

What when people use individuals to get information, to spy and monitor?

What when person wants to prove loyalty provides information out of the context?

Why everyone has a right and one person out of everyone is not given that right?

I have been taught that individuals with disabilities have a right to make their decision. Even if they are wrong, we can guide them to make socially acceptable decisions. However, ultimately it is their decision. 

We cannot threaten or force individuals to make decision that we think is convenient for us.

Adults should be independent to make their own decisions who they choose to talk with and who they decide not to talk with. 

Blaming someone else for your faults and your environmental concerns is right or wrong?

Yes, judgement is coming!

God will punish! Like people have mentioned earlier truth will triumph. 

Can my relationship with someone destroy their blood relations? 

God is the only and ultimate judge. 

Bhaagi 

Last year, Qandeel Baloch was murdered by her brother. I followed that story and wrote about it. She was called feminist by western and liberal media of Pakistan. 

Feminist for me, and I believe for the rest of the world is an individual who  makes an independent choice. The choice could be of wearing a hijab or a bikini. There is a difference between an attention seeker and a feminist. There is also a difference between freedom of choice and having no option but being led to choose an option. 

Recently, they made a show about Qandeel Baloch called "Bhaagi". The show is about her life it shows how she was not making choices but led to options. The show has dialogues that might sound feminist but are actually victim in nature. My concern with the victim card is that the continuous feeding of such information which may lead people to dwell on it.

Anyways, When I blog it is my way of expression and an outlet of my emotions. 

I am not proving to be righteous.

I am not proving to be holy.

I am not playing victim.

I have made mistakes and have faced  consequences. 

Two people are not together because they were  not meant to be. 

 Don't worry about what I think, if you think you were right. Be happy and satisfied!

Be with the one who makes you happy and will always  make you happy.

You don't need to be with a mean person who plays "The Victim". 

Please,  don't worry about such people. 

Talent

I work with individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities. The work that I have chosen for myself is satisfying to me. However, when people express it stating the following, it makes me wonder am I doing something extraordinary. 

I have heard questions and statements such as; What a great job you do? Isn't it rewarding? You are so blessed. You have a lots of patience. It must be so exhausting. God will bless you! 

Well, for all these questions and statements. I would just say this. It is my job. I get paid  for it. I studied for it. I love what I do. I should be passionate about my work. Am I doing something extra? Is it any different from what an accountant, mechanic, engineer does? I don't think so. For example, I have colleagues who are accountants and managers who make budgets for these individuals with disabilities. They might have a different job, that is, they might not be directly involved with humans, their emotions and needs. But they serve them in their own ways. 

I don't know why we have to make people  holier, because of their job responsibilities and natural traits. They probably do things because that is their natural talents or that is what they have learned and acquired to do as part of their job requirements.

For years, I have always been told great works of mother Teresa and Abdul Sattar Edhi. I respect both enormously. However, it usually makes people extremely uncomfortable when I tell them, that they were doing what they enjoyed to do. They were not doing anything extraordinary. I don't mean from world's perspective or in a negative way. But I mean it from their personal perspective. If something they did comes naturally to them, then I don't think it is work. Do you think it's a big deal? 

Some human traits are God's gift to some individuals. We might view them as great works that need to be rewarded and recognized. However, for them it is them being themselves which is nothing extraordinary. 

Talents and traits are God's gift. We don't feel pressured when we are using them. Some learned behaviors that we acquired over a period of time  become part of us. 

What we have acquired over a period of time as a talent or what nature has bestowed upon us, sometimes being rewarded for it is not what we need but what the world wants us that we need.  

Solution 

Everybody deals with their concerns differently. I've been writing about harassment for last few times. I have been in a constant fight to figure out a solution.  Today, at lunch with a colleague I shared my concern. It was interesting how she approached the issue. She expressed that in most cultures and religions women are taught to be submissive.  Eventhough, women might see themselves as strong naturally. They still fall victim to the product of their culture and environmental setting. Individuals learn set rules and regulations from their culture. However, when they go against it, they feel they are rebelling it which makes them uncomfortable. 

On the other hand, she expressed that men in many cultures have been taught to see women  as objects, so they just act according to what has been taught to them. 

She suggested that if an awkward situation of harassment occurs ( where you have the power to act), where an individual does not feel like rebelling or tend to make individuals around awkward, they should just say in a  friendly but an assertive way, that they like their personal space and do not like to be touched physically. She added that with this, your message is communicated in a positive way. I think that a brilliant analysis and advice. 

Hope no one has to go through an uncomfortable situation again. 

 Situations do vary and one solution is not ultimately the answer to all the problems. 

Ridiculed Expression 

It is frustrating when your account of an experience is ridiculed. How many individuals in the world put themselves in a vulnerable position to express a traumatic experience. What gain and motivation is there for the person expressing themselves? Usually, incidences of vulnerability makes you look weak. Who would like to portray themselves as weak especially on a public platform? 

The rationale behind the blog on harassment was to demonstrate the results of social conditioning of a pure word "sister" which South Asians use conveniently. When someone calls you "sister" in a public domain, if you flare up because of an experience, people would make you seem like an attention seeker. How on earth in a religious setting of a memorial service, you would like to create a drama of your own. It is easy to judge without knowing the facts. 

My concern was nothing else but my own weakness of not being able to take action, and the weakness I felt when I had to be helped to save the day. My anger was at myself for not being able to speak up for myself. 

For example, when a person exhihibit behavior such as cheating, they have to deliberately work on not cheating because cheating is what comes naturally to them as a learned behavior. 

Similarly. when a person is trained for years to think that when someone calls you his sister it is pure and harmless. How can you react? In such instances, you have to deliberately take a strong action because that won't be a natural reaction to such a situation. Moreover, you have to understand the setting events such as religious building, home, office etc. 

Some people write because it helps them to express themselves in a controlled and comfortable environment not merely to gain attention. 

This controlled and comfortable environment is not attention seeking merely. It is their avoidance behavior. 

Guilty me or Guilty them

I was just feeling awkward as the person kept moving towards me. I did not know what could be an appropriate word to stop someone for making those subtle advances. What can you probably think of when you know his wife is also there? Maybe she will stop him.  Isn't it the most frustrating moment when they start touching you in the most uncomfortable manner while they simultaneously  call you their sister. It is the hardest to come out of such an uncomfortable situation. When know it is wrong but you feel helpless. Because they  are using the most appropriate social word "sister" that  if you flare up, people will call you attention seeking.

Well,  right at the moment when you need a savior, God sents you an angel. My sister read my  facial expressions, she pulled me towards her and gave me a hug and moved me away from the situation, 

I was angry at myself. Why I needed an angel? A savior? Why I needed a soldier? Why I could not speak for myself? Why? The society has trained my mind to think in a way that if someone calls me a sister they don't have cruel intentions. It is a beautiful relationship they cannot harass or molest you. Is that really true? What did I do wrong? Why am I blaming myself for someone else's disgusting behavior ? 

Does wearing a dress? Being confident? Being warm? Being nice gives people the wrong meaning? 

Guilty me or guilty them!!

Basic Human Need 

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Well, I wanted to make lemonade, life started throwing everything at me like pasta, curry, vegetables, and other fruits. What can you do? Add them and make what? Ha ha 😜

Life is so simple and easy when you  are living it. Life is so honest when you self-talk to yourself. What happens when you try to interact with someone who is confused? What happens when that person starts to confuse you more? What happens when that person ask you to make a checklist? What happens when that person tells you about the checklist they have for you? When individuals are confused and they are still at that level  of immediate gratification. You cannot satisfy them with your philosophy. If a person was still at the basic level of reinforcement, the basic human need is what he/she needs how can you expect them to be at a different level. 

The basic need is the necessity of having sex, money,  food,  air and clothing. It is unrealistic to expect of them about the deeper meaning of life. You cannot blame them.  Blame them for what? Their fixation for their basic human need. Their confusion and manipulation will play along to achieve those needs. Such people to me seem like children who look for companionship after they complete their homework. They don't want any deeper understanding of friendship as their interest is just to satisfy their need to play. They have no clue of commitment because for them it is convenience. When people seek you out for convenience, it is your fault not their because that is their need.

The Heaven Wants Her More! 

I feel all the organs of my body are screaming. They are screaming so loud. I hear their noiseless screams. My body is shaking inwardly. Every tear is trying to catch up with the other. Is it a marathon? I'm speechless. I'm helpless. Trying to have the organs  communicate with each other. They are unsure how to react. React in celebration of a soul well lived or condole each other for the loss. Then lost a touch they infrequently experienced. They lost an encourager who gave them strength. Then lost a mother who did not give birth to them. Maiya Maso, they lost everything!


May  your soul Rest In Peace. Amen

Everyday, I love you 

by

Boyzone

https://youtu.be/6QQQKJJBJOY

I don't know, but I believe

That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you

I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn something new
Everyday I love you

'Cause I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you

Everyday I love you boy
Everyday I love you

'Cause I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you

Thou Shall not Judge

An eventful day

Today, I was running late because I could not find my key which I had conveniently kept in one of my shoe boxes. I am not sure why or how!! Anyways, to make my life eventful and exciting on my way to work I was stopped by a COP👮. I got nervous and panicked. He calmed me down. He asked me where I was from. I said Pakistan and continued with my most inappropriate and irrelevant comment in my panic mode. "I hope just because I am from Pakistan, you won't judge me and give me another ticket.". He smiled and went over some laws with me. He was such a gentleman.  Thank you COP! Hope not to see you on the road again. 

it is a date

It's a date Maso (aunt). Be ready, I will pick you up two blocks away from your house. Picking her up from her house was not a problem. But we just wanted to do it the Bollywood style (Chup Chup k milna). Isn't it crazy that I shared this adventurous and crazy relationship with her. She used to walk a few blocks few blocks away from her house to meet with me at the corner. She did it for us. What a sport some relationships are in our lives so natural? They cherish you for who you are, they spoil you and  just tag along with you on your adventures craziest plans.

 People say that perfection cannot be improved. What do you do for a perfection which is on another level. She was an epitome and prototype of perfection. Everything in her life was organized. Her clothes all sorted by color, shape, size and style. She could not tolerate any mess around her except for the  messy and disorganized me. 

Well things don't always go our way. My heart just stopped beating and my breath just froze the day I heard her helpless voice. "Maso, how could you be helpless?"The pillar of strength! 

How an illness separate us from the ones we once connected to. Can I go back in time and try to avail all opportunities that I missed  to spend with her. 

I hate losing control and being vulnerable. Realistically, isn't the weakest and the most vulnerable times and choices in our life make us realize how special some people and their relationships are. 

Actually, they always will be.

Moonlight 

Sometimes when people are leaving they give you an assurance of how great you are. I wonder if that assurance and those compliments are their way of boasting your ego before they leave. Maybe they want to make sure that they leave the ocean inside your existence calm. Calmness is what we all desire, but in reality chaos always acts as a catalyst, changes everything and helps you reset.

Reset to redefine. Reset to rediscover. Reset to re-establish. Reset to reconcile with yourself. Reset to renew. Reset to reorganize. Reset to readjust. Reset to rejuvenate. Reset to reboot your life.  Will it help you to become new?

In the process of this emotional wear and tear, do you question their honesty or just accept it as it comes? Well, the reality is even if you question they might just be helping you not to erupt like a volanco? At least not in front of them.

Life is mysterious like that, you would never know the true intentions of anyone. Like you will never know how harmful natural disasters might be till they come and go. Leaving everything destroyed only to rebuild. 

So what happened...

They met after years. He slowly had moved away from her life. She knew the reality but just did not want to accept it. Acceptance of circumstances are hard. It leaves you torn and it keeps you hanging on sharp edges of blades that can cut not only the heart but also the soul into million pieces. Any wrong move or pick between heart and brain, might end up into a phase of depression and of course, who wants it. In the battle of her heart and brain. The heart in her instance kept on winning. Was she intentionally letting her brain loose to her heart? Even if she had no answers to that question that kept coming back. She wanted to  kept going with the flow. 

She had met this guy a few years ago and fell in love. For her love was constant. Today she was meeting him so he could ask her for forgiveness and move on. How hard can be that meeting? They went down the memory lane and discussed their chilling stories. It was intriguing because what he thought was funny she did not remember and what was funny to her, he had no idea of. They liked different things about each other. Anyways, it was time. 

The reality of life is the pain it has to accept. Even though, she knew it was their last meeting she wanted to give it some meaning and tried to make memories in her own way. Was the dark semi-deserted restaurant's parking lot a place to hang out? The moonlight was giving this meeting some perspective. Giving light in the darkness. He was forgiven and she was too. The moonlight did its magic. 

Our Categorical Mind 

On August 5, 2017 the Daily Newspaper Dawn, posted a picture of a female wearing a hijab riding a bike. The picture captioned "A girl rides a motorbike in Saddar Peshawar". It was later shared on the Facebook page of Pak Tea house.

When I saw the picture and read the caption;  I asked myself why is this a news? What is difficult a girl riding a bike or a girl wearing a hijab riding it? I have no clue to why, when a woman does something it becomes a big deal or when a woman cannot do something and is manipulated becomes another deal. 

Yes, I agree that a woman is created differently from a man. However, a woman is free to choose and potentially able to do whatever she chooses or wants to do. It is not a debate that a woman is equal to a man. There is no competition and I feel there is no reason for a comparison as well. Men and women sometimes can do same things and other times have the ability to do it differently or better than the other gender. 

Humans are free to choose. The freedom of making a choice should be liberating. The decision to wear a hijab and ride a bike should not be made a huge deal. Women have gone to space, they fly airplanes, drive cars then why riding a bike make a woman any different. Our mentalities have this confined ideology of intolerance that is when we publish pictures like this or similar ones we actually limit and confine ourselves. We are trying to convince ourselves that it is not permitted or possible, however we are allowing and  permitting it to be acceptable and possible now. 

A human does not need permission. Nobody in this universe has the power over the other. The only power one can practice over the other is the mental power. Therefore, individuals should keep their mental powers  free and liberated from social confinements and environmental restrictions. Individuals should enlighten themselves for their own good and for the good of the society. We should allow the process of freedom from bondages of self-judgments and judgments of confining individuals based on their identity as far as religion or gender is a concern which ultimately could be debilitating.

 Ayesha Gulalai's Right to Fight

 Fighting for what is Right is a Right for All 

I have been so disturbed recently after I read and watched news of Ayesha Gulalai's claims and allegations on Imran Khan about harassment. Well, I have no political interest whatsoever. I don't care if any political party wins or looses, however what I care about today is the misuse of "woman" or " minority"card conveniently. I am all for Ayesha Gulalai fighting for justice and standing up for what is right. Nevertheless, there is a way of doing it. She needs to file a complaint and live through it. She is a powerful woman who has access to media and way to justice. She can provide briefing to the nation by holding press conferences after each step she takes. However, just claiming and using a certain identity does not provide any justice. She should seek justice through proper channel. She wanted to hold that press conference, well and good by all means. Now there should be step two. Appearances on different channels one after the other saying the same thing means nothing. On the other hand, supporters of Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf humiliating her and family is not an acceptable reaction. It seems like a game of mudslinging which is so disgraceful and needs to end. Moreover, her claims have ignited other opponent parties to support her to defame Imran Khan which is a fair game I believe in politics. However, what is this new idea of " We respect women" by all political parties. Well, not only women but humans in general should he respected irrespective of their nationality, place of residence, sex, national or ethnic origin, color, religion, language, or any other status. 

There is a term called "Human Rights" which we have forgotten to use. Office of Higher Commissioner of Human Rights  (2017) described human rights as "Human rights are rights inherent to all human beings, whatever our nationality, place of residence, sex, national or ethnic origin, color, religion, language, or any other status. We are all equally entitled to our human rights without discrimination. These rights are all interrelated, interdependent and indivisible". If there is any individual that feels violation to her/his rights, the individual needs to file a complaint and fight it through with evidence. Lobbying can be done to reach to justice. However, using a certain identity to get attention and manipulating certain situation in your favor is ethically wrong. This whole situation is disturbing. People need to be educated and made to understand their rights irrespective of their identities. 

We all should have a right to seek justice and we should do it through proper channel. We should not be discouraged by name-calling and defaming to not fight for what we stand for. Reaction should not be based on personal biases. Let us fight for right and let us help people to fight for what they think is right and just. 

#AyeshaGulalai #TVchannels #ImranKhan #PTI 

Wilderness


Walking in the wilderness makes me wonder, will I see the green grass that they promised.
I hear the good news parallell to the crying voices.
I need discernment for the love in the wilderness.
The love that was promised.
I find truth in the darkness.
I find shades of acceptance and tolerance.
I want to embrace them.
The moment I get close to them.
The truth slips from my hands.
Like me grabbing a smoke screen.
The smoke screen keeps my vision blurred.
I live in this mythical world.
I am not here to compete.
I am trying to find my existence.
I am trying to know who I am.
I want to see the image of me.
I want to see the truth in me.
I want to know who I am.

Lord, I cry at the hour of my despair that why have you forsaken me.
My faithless soul still yearns for faith.
My hopeless existence still prays for hope.
Hope in the only God who tells my faithless self that He Almighty is holding me strong!

 My Real Real Brothers

I was driving my friend and her children to the Laguardia airport to fly back to Texas. My friend's son/ my nephew during the whole ride to the airport was screaming at the top of his lungs, he wanted to go back to his "real real brothers". He wanted to stay  with them. He wanted to live with them. At that moment, the whole incident seemed hilarious to me. I kept teasing him. Today, I had a flashback of the same incident and I was just amazed what an eight year old boy taught me. The beauty of innocence and connection he made on genuine grounds. 

My friend and her family lived in New York for seven years. She and her family practices  christianity. When my nephew was born my friend took time off from work for a few weeks, however she needed to find someone to take care of her newborn son when she goes back to work. Fortunately, her Muslim neighbors offered to help them raising  her son. Thereafter, my nephew was nurtured in a Muslim family for four straight years and developed connections with them. He called the parents Ami (mom) and Abu (dad), their daughter, Baji (sister) and their sons, his "real real brothers". He even used to go and offer Namaz with them in the mosque. He got so attached with them that his mom used to have a hard time separating him from them at times. That bond and relationship stayed.  After seven years, when my friend decided to move to Texas with her family. Her son had a hard time separating from that family. They visited this year in January and he spent most of his time in their house. He had a meltdown when he had to leave them. He screamed and threw a tantrum that he wanted to stay with his "real real brothers".  That whole show in the car ride was hysterical to me. However now that I think about it. It is an epic example of beauty of his innocence which is not yet polluted by his surroundings. This year too he went to the mosque to offer Namaz with his real brothers even though he does not know how to offer Namaz. His mom on the other side takes him to church regularly. It boggles my mind that he still does not know the difference he has with his "real real brothers". 

Now sitting and looking back, I envy my nephew for his innocence. I wish I could view the world without differences. I wish I could live in a pure non-contaminated distilled world like he does.