Life Starts to End

Where the breathing ends, the screams starts 

Where the scream ends, the pain starts

Where the pain ends, the denial starts

Where the denial ends, the acceptance starts

Where the acceptance ends, the life starts to end! 

Determination

I have loved Bikram Yoga for a couple of years now. However, recently I have started to love it even more. It is relaxing and intense at the same time. The early morning classes are hard to attend, but with determination you can reach your destination and goals. 

Last Tuesday, I aimed for a 6 am class. The studio is 20 to 25 minutes away from my home. I have to get up around 5 am to be there at 6. However, that morning I got up at 5 and started to get ready when I went to the parking lot. My sister parked just behind my car. I was so frustrated but well wanted to stay in the yogi mode. "Keep calm and let it go". I woke my sister up and asked her to move her car. She moved her car. I knew I was late. I knew they would lock the doors and there would be no way I could attend my yoga practice. Anyways, I called up the studio and the instructor said that he will start at 6 am. He kept saying that be there at 6. I just drove with the intention to attend and did not want to hear no. 

When I reached the studio, I was a few minutes late but the instructor waited for me. He said, "Anna, you are all signed up, please enjoy your class!" 

I just went in and enjoyed every bit of the practice. 

I felt my practice started the moment I woke up till I left the class. 

Yes, they say in the class let it all go and stay with the moment. You cannot hold on to anything. You just let it be and let it go. 

Like they say at the end of each practice. Namaste! 🙏

Negative Reinforcement and Love

I wonder why individuals instigate other human beings. Why they have to write things about others that can cause frustration? 

For example, writing about using convenient mix to make turkey and fruit chat/salad. Moreover, making it a point to mention that how can we measure someone's skills. 

How can a person prove their skills? By hunting down a turkey and growing a fruits in the farm? 

The seasoning of the turkey was made with butter and herbs. Salt and pepper were sprinkled and fruits and vegetables were cut for stuffing. How difficult was that? 

It is so sad that people who doubt have experienced first hand cooking skills. For example, chicken Marsala, Brown rice chicken 

and many more etc. Not bragging because it might have not tasted so good or good enough. Thanks 

Some people just remember mean stuff to humiliate the other person. If they don't even remember your name and call you by someone else's name what more can you expect from them. 

Now they write about stuff to compensate because they called you by the name of the person they currently love. 

They want your attention because they are getting it from all their other friends and they seem to think you are missing in action by not chasing them. 

I wish people understood love. But well, everyone has their own definition of love, that is why people you love might never love you back or care for your love, because their definition is different from yours. 😊

Thank You 😊

Some people walk in our lives quietly. We realize their existence when they become special to us. We argue and disagree with them and still feel their presence in our life even when they walk out of our lives. Every experience with them is learning. Special people help us realize how special we are after they leave us. They provide us with an experience to explore ourselves and find the good we have in us. When we figure that good and uniqueness in us because of them. All we need to do is to thank God for the special them. God bless them!! Thank you!

Profiling or Association: What is the difference? 

Is stereotyping or racial profiling equal to racism or being racist? 

When people unconsciously profile you or associate you with someone based on your nationality or color, are they profiling you? I guess that should be forgiven right? 😜😂

Today, a colleague asked me if I watch Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari? I immediately made a joke that yes I do but I also watch Tom Cruise. I asked him why he asked me that question. He said that he wants to know more about my culture. 

How come Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari who were born in United States of America represent my culture? 

I teased him do you know the guy who hosted the show "George ka Pakistan". He is American too. Do you like him or know him? 

I asked him what if I had told him that "Tom Cruise" reminded me of him. 

I concluded that I like Gerard Butler and Ryan Gosling more than I know and like Mindy Kaling and Aziz Ansari. All four of them are born and bred American. Their color does not make them any less American. 😊🙏

I teased and called him, "racist colleague". We both laughed. I shared this with my other colleagues too. 😂😂😂

Motivation

Some people care for you because you are divorced. They care  for you because your current husband and you are having issues. They have to be nice to you because you have explained how ill you have been treated and how miserable you felt. 

You don't know what had happened. How they fell in love just because now they need you and you like to be needed you want to agree with everything they explain you. 

When a woman is weak, in need and helpless is only when some men like her. May be another reason can be that woman is capable of fulfilling this man's sexual desires. 

A few years back when you call someone ugly, then conveniently now you send them their old picture of when you called them ugly and tell them that this picture is to motivate them. What should you get of it? Your inconsistency that nothing can ever satisfy you.

Only a divorcee or a needy person can satisfy you. Some people are naturally needy. Find one so they can fulfill your desire and you can fulfill theirs. 

Divorcee always attract some individuals. It is not bad but sometimes some individuals just  like some experience and their need. 

 

😊😊😊

Sent from my iPhone

Meaningless Meaningless

Mental illness is not a curse. People who use it to insult people are the ones who consider it as a curse. 

We all have some kind of mental health concern. No one is normal. Professionals and numerous educated people in America, take pride in sharing about their mental health concerns. For them it is probably like talking about flu, cold, etc. They identify their issues so the concerns won't affect them  in their daily routines. 

However, on other hands if individuals use mental concerns to curse other people. For example, "you are mentally sick" or "you are hallucinating", they would always consider mental health issues as awful. They would think of it as a stigma.

People who express themselves don't hold grudges. People who have difficulty expressing themselves hold grudges.

How can someone judge that I have avoided and not face my concerns. How have I been throwing dirt at someone? Sharing something or being concerned is dirt? 

Yes, be inspired and keep watching these videos to influence you and your future decisions. I don't want to watch it to aggravate myself anymore. 

 Like it has been said by someone million times, "we are different"! So let it be! 

2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

May God bring future prosperity to an individual's life and bless their upcoming years. Amen 

As humans we should always pray for blessings for our fellow humans on their special day. 

Self-Claimed Love

There are two types of rights: personal rights of the person and then there are personal rights of the person's relatives, a person claims to love. 

If you call the person's relative for sake to convey a message and that was your last call to them, is it wrong? 

Like previously, a man from ICF was approached and he was mean. If this person who was called was offended she/he should have showed some kind of annoyed feeling. They seemed excited to hear the person's voice. They both felt comfortable. Was that wrong? 

Anyways, that was the last call to them before this person was blamed and had to call the person again to justify.

Yes, the person who claimed to love can most likely tell the other person not to call because they are different and the person does not think the person loves the other person. 100% fair! The person who was told not to call respects the othe person's desire and understand that they don't love this person who claims to love them. 

However, this other person can choose and have the right to call any other person and others have a right to call them. 

Anyways, the person is not making frequent calls to their relatives. The person just called because the person thought the other person might end up hurting them self, because of the way the person was talking about them-self.

May be, what that person was exhibiting was attention seeking but this person had to take that sign seriously, and had to make sure the person received some kind of help. Person's safety. 

People have all the right to know where and who their relatives are calling, but threatening and monitoring them. Is that right? Interrogating them not directly but making stories to interrogate? Is that right? 

Literally, forcing them not to call and being mean to them? How much human right is that? 

Just to give a little heads up, please read on dementia because the person called, was emotional and expressed they forget things and it was hard and they feel frustrated about it. 

Please again, read about dementia. People getting old they start forgetting stuff they need to be repeated stuff so they don't forget it. Don't embarrass them if they don't give you the right answer if they forget a fact. 

As people are getting old they start showing signs of dementia. 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/amp/320093

Anyways, when you don't want to be controlled. You should not control others as well. 

Moreover, using a person with some special needs to monitor is the worst you are doing to them. How unhealthy is that? For your personal gains? How much of a selfless act is that? Controlling everyone for your need and to gain loyalty. Amazing I am impressed!! 

Glad that now this person is taught the meaning of love from the person who this person claimed to love. Therefore, now this person know this person was never in love.

This person is now actually more aware, why this person ends up finding needy person to love. Because they desire to be needed and the other person need them. Both just trying to keep the other person around and not being honest.

Moreover, a person who cannot love their own child and was trying to seek help and intimacy while the person was still married and in relationship. Is that love? 

This act shows that person has a dependent personality they need someone to depend on. It is just an analysis not a judgement. 

Some info about dependent personality:

• Difficulty making decisions without reassurance from others
• Extreme passivity
• Problems expressing disagreements with others
• Avoiding personal responsibility
• Avoiding being alone
• Devastation or helplessness when relationships end
• Unable to meet ordinary demands of life
• Preoccupied with fears of being abandoned
• Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
• Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others (DSM)

Adam and Rachel 

There was a boy named Adam, and there was this girl named Rachel.

Rachel loved Adam. He never understood her love and took it casually. The last time they decided not to speak to each other. 

Rachel was concerned and felt the need to speak to Adam's mother to request her to speak to Adam more frequently than the mother already did. 

Because she thought she was not going to speak to him ever again and wanted him to be safe. 

She did not understand why he blamed her for splitting the family, when actually she was asking and requesting his mother to call him more frequently. 

He called her, "a liar!" "a hypocrite!" " A person who split families!"

Rachel had to write a note to herself, "don't let him break you!" "Be strong!" "This is what he is good at!"

Adam wrote to her the following words, "Look the next man you will find, how much he will cheat on you. Your behavior and arguments are so punching that it is better to cheat and be content with the peace of mind rather than tolerating your hallucinating mind."

"A mental case like you."

Rachel was not appreciative of his mean words. He should not be proud of his behaviors. Adam should not cultivate fear in her for future decisions. Rachel was not asking Adam to tolerate her any more. 

Sometimes, individuals just try to pull others down to make themselves feel good. 

This is what I call power struggle. Breaking individuals by triggering hurt, fear and anxiety.

Make not break people! 😊

She only wished that her fantasy of what she called love stayed. 

Love may be, was a myth!

Suicide 

My sister came home hysterical today. She informed the family that one of her friends committed suicide. She was informed by the family of the friend. 

My sister is traumatized after she heard the painful news. May God give peace to his soul. Amen 

Please, don't take anyone's threat to kill themselves casually. Make sure you try to get help for them. Speak to them if you can. Suicide is one of the main causes of death in young adults. 

Please, be supportive and be there! 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline! https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/

Revenge

You split families! You break relationships. How can an outside person have power and authority to break something? How their few minutes and hours interaction break or split something that was built over the years? How someone not able to take revenge? How come the insulting language they use is still not revenge enough?

“ Hurting people hurt other people.” 

The person has already warned that God will bring judgement. Should the person warned be scared?  

What when people use individuals to get information, to spy and monitor?

What when person wants to prove loyalty provides information out of the context?

Why everyone has a right and one person out of everyone is not given that right?

I have been taught that individuals with disabilities have a right to make their decision. Even if they are wrong, we can guide them to make socially acceptable decisions. However, ultimately it is their decision. 

We cannot threaten or force individuals to make decision that we think is convenient for us.

Adults should be independent to make their own decisions who they choose to talk with and who they decide not to talk with. 

Blaming someone else for your faults and your environmental concerns is right or wrong?

Yes, judgement is coming!

God will punish! Like people have mentioned earlier truth will triumph. 

Can my relationship with someone destroy their blood relations? 

God is the only and ultimate judge. 

Bhaagi 

Last year, Qandeel Baloch was murdered by her brother. I followed that story and wrote about it. She was called feminist by western and liberal media of Pakistan. 

Feminist for me, and I believe for the rest of the world is an individual who  makes an independent choice. The choice could be of wearing a hijab or a bikini. There is a difference between an attention seeker and a feminist. There is also a difference between freedom of choice and having no option but being led to choose an option. 

Recently, they made a show about Qandeel Baloch called "Bhaagi". The show is about her life it shows how she was not making choices but led to options. The show has dialogues that might sound feminist but are actually victim in nature. My concern with the victim card is that the continuous feeding of such information which may lead people to dwell on it.

Anyways, When I blog it is my way of expression and an outlet of my emotions. 

I am not proving to be righteous.

I am not proving to be holy.

I am not playing victim.

I have made mistakes and have faced  consequences. 

Two people are not together because they were  not meant to be. 

 Don't worry about what I think, if you think you were right. Be happy and satisfied!

Be with the one who makes you happy and will always  make you happy.

You don't need to be with a mean person who plays "The Victim". 

Please,  don't worry about such people. 

Talent

I work with individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities. The work that I have chosen for myself is satisfying to me. However, when people express it stating the following, it makes me wonder am I doing something extraordinary. 

I have heard questions and statements such as; What a great job you do? Isn't it rewarding? You are so blessed. You have a lots of patience. It must be so exhausting. God will bless you! 

Well, for all these questions and statements. I would just say this. It is my job. I get paid  for it. I studied for it. I love what I do. I should be passionate about my work. Am I doing something extra? Is it any different from what an accountant, mechanic, engineer does? I don't think so. For example, I have colleagues who are accountants and managers who make budgets for these individuals with disabilities. They might have a different job, that is, they might not be directly involved with humans, their emotions and needs. But they serve them in their own ways. 

I don't know why we have to make people  holier, because of their job responsibilities and natural traits. They probably do things because that is their natural talents or that is what they have learned and acquired to do as part of their job requirements.

For years, I have always been told great works of mother Teresa and Abdul Sattar Edhi. I respect both enormously. However, it usually makes people extremely uncomfortable when I tell them, that they were doing what they enjoyed to do. They were not doing anything extraordinary. I don't mean from world's perspective or in a negative way. But I mean it from their personal perspective. If something they did comes naturally to them, then I don't think it is work. Do you think it's a big deal? 

Some human traits are God's gift to some individuals. We might view them as great works that need to be rewarded and recognized. However, for them it is them being themselves which is nothing extraordinary. 

Talents and traits are God's gift. We don't feel pressured when we are using them. Some learned behaviors that we acquired over a period of time  become part of us. 

What we have acquired over a period of time as a talent or what nature has bestowed upon us, sometimes being rewarded for it is not what we need but what the world wants us that we need.  

Solution 

Everybody deals with their concerns differently. I've been writing about harassment for last few times. I have been in a constant fight to figure out a solution.  Today, at lunch with a colleague I shared my concern. It was interesting how she approached the issue. She expressed that in most cultures and religions women are taught to be submissive.  Eventhough, women might see themselves as strong naturally. They still fall victim to the product of their culture and environmental setting. Individuals learn set rules and regulations from their culture. However, when they go against it, they feel they are rebelling it which makes them uncomfortable. 

On the other hand, she expressed that men in many cultures have been taught to see women  as objects, so they just act according to what has been taught to them. 

She suggested that if an awkward situation of harassment occurs ( where you have the power to act), where an individual does not feel like rebelling or tend to make individuals around awkward, they should just say in a  friendly but an assertive way, that they like their personal space and do not like to be touched physically. She added that with this, your message is communicated in a positive way. I think that a brilliant analysis and advice. 

Hope no one has to go through an uncomfortable situation again. 

 Situations do vary and one solution is not ultimately the answer to all the problems. 

Ridiculed Expression 

It is frustrating when your account of an experience is ridiculed. How many individuals in the world put themselves in a vulnerable position to express a traumatic experience. What gain and motivation is there for the person expressing themselves? Usually, incidences of vulnerability makes you look weak. Who would like to portray themselves as weak especially on a public platform? 

The rationale behind the blog on harassment was to demonstrate the results of social conditioning of a pure word "sister" which South Asians use conveniently. When someone calls you "sister" in a public domain, if you flare up because of an experience, people would make you seem like an attention seeker. How on earth in a religious setting of a memorial service, you would like to create a drama of your own. It is easy to judge without knowing the facts. 

My concern was nothing else but my own weakness of not being able to take action, and the weakness I felt when I had to be helped to save the day. My anger was at myself for not being able to speak up for myself. 

For example, when a person exhihibit behavior such as cheating, they have to deliberately work on not cheating because cheating is what comes naturally to them as a learned behavior. 

Similarly. when a person is trained for years to think that when someone calls you his sister it is pure and harmless. How can you react? In such instances, you have to deliberately take a strong action because that won't be a natural reaction to such a situation. Moreover, you have to understand the setting events such as religious building, home, office etc. 

Some people write because it helps them to express themselves in a controlled and comfortable environment not merely to gain attention. 

This controlled and comfortable environment is not attention seeking merely. It is their avoidance behavior. 

Guilty me or Guilty them

I was just feeling awkward as the person kept moving towards me. I did not know what could be an appropriate word to stop someone for making those subtle advances. What can you probably think of when you know his wife is also there? Maybe she will stop him.  Isn't it the most frustrating moment when they start touching you in the most uncomfortable manner while they simultaneously  call you their sister. It is the hardest to come out of such an uncomfortable situation. When know it is wrong but you feel helpless. Because they  are using the most appropriate social word "sister" that  if you flare up, people will call you attention seeking.

Well,  right at the moment when you need a savior, God sents you an angel. My sister read my  facial expressions, she pulled me towards her and gave me a hug and moved me away from the situation, 

I was angry at myself. Why I needed an angel? A savior? Why I needed a soldier? Why I could not speak for myself? Why? The society has trained my mind to think in a way that if someone calls me a sister they don't have cruel intentions. It is a beautiful relationship they cannot harass or molest you. Is that really true? What did I do wrong? Why am I blaming myself for someone else's disgusting behavior ? 

Does wearing a dress? Being confident? Being warm? Being nice gives people the wrong meaning? 

Guilty me or guilty them!!

Basic Human Need 

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Well, I wanted to make lemonade, life started throwing everything at me like pasta, curry, vegetables, and other fruits. What can you do? Add them and make what? Ha ha 😜

Life is so simple and easy when you  are living it. Life is so honest when you self-talk to yourself. What happens when you try to interact with someone who is confused? What happens when that person starts to confuse you more? What happens when that person ask you to make a checklist? What happens when that person tells you about the checklist they have for you? When individuals are confused and they are still at that level  of immediate gratification. You cannot satisfy them with your philosophy. If a person was still at the basic level of reinforcement, the basic human need is what he/she needs how can you expect them to be at a different level. 

The basic need is the necessity of having sex, money,  food,  air and clothing. It is unrealistic to expect of them about the deeper meaning of life. You cannot blame them.  Blame them for what? Their fixation for their basic human need. Their confusion and manipulation will play along to achieve those needs. Such people to me seem like children who look for companionship after they complete their homework. They don't want any deeper understanding of friendship as their interest is just to satisfy their need to play. They have no clue of commitment because for them it is convenience. When people seek you out for convenience, it is your fault not their because that is their need.