Wilderness


Walking in the wilderness makes me wonder, will I see the green grass that they promised.
I hear the good news parallell to the crying voices.
I need discernment for the love in the wilderness.
The love that was promised.
I find truth in the darkness.
I find shades of acceptance and tolerance.
I want to embrace them.
The moment I get close to them.
The truth slips from my hands.
Like me grabbing a smoke screen.
The smoke screen keeps my vision blurred.
I live in this mythical world.
I am not here to compete.
I am trying to find my existence.
I am trying to know who I am.
I want to see the image of me.
I want to see the truth in me.
I want to know who I am.

Lord, I cry at the hour of my despair that why have you forsaken me.
My faithless soul still yearns for faith.
My hopeless existence still prays for hope.
Hope in the only God who tells my faithless self that He Almighty is holding me strong!

 My Real Real Brothers

I was driving my friend and her children to the Laguardia airport to fly back to Texas. My friend's son/ my nephew during the whole ride to the airport was screaming at the top of his lungs, he wanted to go back to his "real real brothers". He wanted to stay  with them. He wanted to live with them. At that moment, the whole incident seemed hilarious to me. I kept teasing him. Today, I had a flashback of the same incident and I was just amazed what an eight year old boy taught me. The beauty of innocence and connection he made on genuine grounds. 

My friend and her family lived in New York for seven years. She and her family practices  christianity. When my nephew was born my friend took time off from work for a few weeks, however she needed to find someone to take care of her newborn son when she goes back to work. Fortunately, her Muslim neighbors offered to help them raising  her son. Thereafter, my nephew was nurtured in a Muslim family for four straight years and developed connections with them. He called the parents Ami (mom) and Abu (dad), their daughter, Baji (sister) and their sons, his "real real brothers". He even used to go and offer Namaz with them in the mosque. He got so attached with them that his mom used to have a hard time separating him from them at times. That bond and relationship stayed.  After seven years, when my friend decided to move to Texas with her family. Her son had a hard time separating from that family. They visited this year in January and he spent most of his time in their house. He had a meltdown when he had to leave them. He screamed and threw a tantrum that he wanted to stay with his "real real brothers".  That whole show in the car ride was hysterical to me. However now that I think about it. It is an epic example of beauty of his innocence which is not yet polluted by his surroundings. This year too he went to the mosque to offer Namaz with his real brothers even though he does not know how to offer Namaz. His mom on the other side takes him to church regularly. It boggles my mind that he still does not know the difference he has with his "real real brothers". 

Now sitting and looking back, I envy my nephew for his innocence. I wish I could view the world without differences. I wish I could live in a pure non-contaminated distilled world like he does.