Becoming Paranoid to be a  Pakistani!!

 

Who should I blame? I am trying to struggle and prove myself in a foreign country. I am gradually assimilating into the culture. However, few incidents make me realize I am different.

I am from Pakistan, living and studying in New York City. As much as most of the people try to appreciate who I am and understand my struggle to be different trying to strive to get acceptance as an individual. I strive to perform better than the average, to be accepted in this society. People who have not been a minority do not know how it feels to be one. People forget that as much as it is an advantage to be different as you stand out, it can play to your disadvantage too! It does take courage to be a minority and be different as you are compelled to swim against the waves. Every stroke that you take to swim makes you get in contact with a different wave. You move your body ahead and the wave pushes you back.

Being a Pakistani in New York, a diverse city, seems to be as same as moving against the waves. You want to get ahead but the incidents of the people who are caught in the waves due to their behaviors or others who are similar to them in appearance makes it hard for the striving and the struggling ones.

I pray each day before walking in the streets of New York for the safety of the world and pray even harder for no incidents involving Pakistanis. To be a Pakistani is becoming a taboo, my identity is become a nightmare for me. I try extra hard each day to be more careful when I speak with someone or driving my car. I do not want to be judged based on my appearance.

Recently, I was embarrassed and astonished how a mother approached me via email to provide therapeutic services to her child. She never met me in person. However, when she met with me she refused to have me work with her child sharing it to be a safety concern. I felt mortified and did not know how to react. I tried to stay calm in front of her giving no indication of my true emotions. I don’t blame her for her reaction as a mother I would be concerned for my child’s well being too. However, I do not want to blame my Pakistani heritage. Who should I blame?

Humans are becoming products on an aisle with certain ingredients to define them. The world wants me to on the Pakistani rack, not sure if I need to commoditize and accessorize myself to be marketed well and be sold!

I refuse to be sold as I am who God want me to be! No one in this world is physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually identical to me. Therefore, please judge me as an individual not a group marketed product!