Adam and Rachel 

There was a boy named Adam, and there was this girl named Rachel.

Rachel loved Adam. He never understood her love and took it casually. The last time they decided not to speak to each other. 

Rachel was concerned and felt the need to speak to Adam's mother to request her to speak to Adam more frequently than the mother already did. 

Because she thought she was not going to speak to him ever again and wanted him to be safe. 

She did not understand why he blamed her for splitting the family, when actually she was asking and requesting his mother to call him more frequently. 

He called her, "a liar!" "a hypocrite!" " A person who split families!"

Rachel had to write a note to herself, "don't let him break you!" "Be strong!" "This is what he is good at!"

Adam wrote to her the following words, "Look the next man you will find, how much he will cheat on you. Your behavior and arguments are so punching that it is better to cheat and be content with the peace of mind rather than tolerating your hallucinating mind."

"A mental case like you."

Rachel was not appreciative of his mean words. He should not be proud of his behaviors. Adam should not cultivate fear in her for future decisions. Rachel was not asking Adam to tolerate her any more. 

Sometimes, individuals just try to pull others down to make themselves feel good. 

This is what I call power struggle. Breaking individuals by triggering hurt, fear and anxiety.

Make not break people! 😊

She only wished that her fantasy of what she called love stayed. 

Love may be, was a myth!

Suicide 

My sister came home hysterical today. She informed the family that one of her friends committed suicide. She was informed by the family of the friend. 

My sister is traumatized after she heard the painful news. May God give peace to his soul. Amen 

Please, don't take anyone's threat to kill themselves casually. Make sure you try to get help for them. Speak to them if you can. Suicide is one of the main causes of death in young adults. 

Please, be supportive and be there! 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline! https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/

Revenge

You split families! You break relationships. How can an outside person have power and authority to break something? How their few minutes and hours interaction break or split something that was built over the years? How someone not able to take revenge? How come the insulting language they use is still not revenge enough?

“ Hurting people hurt other people.” 

The person has already warned that God will bring judgement. Should the person warned be scared?  

What when people use individuals to get information, to spy and monitor?

What when person wants to prove loyalty provides information out of the context?

Why everyone has a right and one person out of everyone is not given that right?

I have been taught that individuals with disabilities have a right to make their decision. Even if they are wrong, we can guide them to make socially acceptable decisions. However, ultimately it is their decision. 

We cannot threaten or force individuals to make decision that we think is convenient for us.

Adults should be independent to make their own decisions who they choose to talk with and who they decide not to talk with. 

Blaming someone else for your faults and your environmental concerns is right or wrong?

Yes, judgement is coming!

God will punish! Like people have mentioned earlier truth will triumph. 

Can my relationship with someone destroy their blood relations? 

God is the only and ultimate judge. 

Bhaagi 

Last year, Qandeel Baloch was murdered by her brother. I followed that story and wrote about it. She was called feminist by western and liberal media of Pakistan. 

Feminist for me, and I believe for the rest of the world is an individual who  makes an independent choice. The choice could be of wearing a hijab or a bikini. There is a difference between an attention seeker and a feminist. There is also a difference between freedom of choice and having no option but being led to choose an option. 

Recently, they made a show about Qandeel Baloch called "Bhaagi". The show is about her life it shows how she was not making choices but led to options. The show has dialogues that might sound feminist but are actually victim in nature. My concern with the victim card is that the continuous feeding of such information which may lead people to dwell on it.

Anyways, When I blog it is my way of expression and an outlet of my emotions. 

I am not proving to be righteous.

I am not proving to be holy.

I am not playing victim.

I have made mistakes and have faced  consequences. 

Two people are not together because they were  not meant to be. 

 Don't worry about what I think, if you think you were right. Be happy and satisfied!

Be with the one who makes you happy and will always  make you happy.

You don't need to be with a mean person who plays "The Victim". 

Please,  don't worry about such people. 

Talent

I work with individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities. The work that I have chosen for myself is satisfying to me. However, when people express it stating the following, it makes me wonder am I doing something extraordinary. 

I have heard questions and statements such as; What a great job you do? Isn't it rewarding? You are so blessed. You have a lots of patience. It must be so exhausting. God will bless you! 

Well, for all these questions and statements. I would just say this. It is my job. I get paid  for it. I studied for it. I love what I do. I should be passionate about my work. Am I doing something extra? Is it any different from what an accountant, mechanic, engineer does? I don't think so. For example, I have colleagues who are accountants and managers who make budgets for these individuals with disabilities. They might have a different job, that is, they might not be directly involved with humans, their emotions and needs. But they serve them in their own ways. 

I don't know why we have to make people  holier, because of their job responsibilities and natural traits. They probably do things because that is their natural talents or that is what they have learned and acquired to do as part of their job requirements.

For years, I have always been told great works of mother Teresa and Abdul Sattar Edhi. I respect both enormously. However, it usually makes people extremely uncomfortable when I tell them, that they were doing what they enjoyed to do. They were not doing anything extraordinary. I don't mean from world's perspective or in a negative way. But I mean it from their personal perspective. If something they did comes naturally to them, then I don't think it is work. Do you think it's a big deal? 

Some human traits are God's gift to some individuals. We might view them as great works that need to be rewarded and recognized. However, for them it is them being themselves which is nothing extraordinary. 

Talents and traits are God's gift. We don't feel pressured when we are using them. Some learned behaviors that we acquired over a period of time  become part of us. 

What we have acquired over a period of time as a talent or what nature has bestowed upon us, sometimes being rewarded for it is not what we need but what the world wants us that we need.  

Solution 

Everybody deals with their concerns differently. I've been writing about harassment for last few times. I have been in a constant fight to figure out a solution.  Today, at lunch with a colleague I shared my concern. It was interesting how she approached the issue. She expressed that in most cultures and religions women are taught to be submissive.  Eventhough, women might see themselves as strong naturally. They still fall victim to the product of their culture and environmental setting. Individuals learn set rules and regulations from their culture. However, when they go against it, they feel they are rebelling it which makes them uncomfortable. 

On the other hand, she expressed that men in many cultures have been taught to see women  as objects, so they just act according to what has been taught to them. 

She suggested that if an awkward situation of harassment occurs ( where you have the power to act), where an individual does not feel like rebelling or tend to make individuals around awkward, they should just say in a  friendly but an assertive way, that they like their personal space and do not like to be touched physically. She added that with this, your message is communicated in a positive way. I think that a brilliant analysis and advice. 

Hope no one has to go through an uncomfortable situation again. 

 Situations do vary and one solution is not ultimately the answer to all the problems. 

Ridiculed Expression 

It is frustrating when your account of an experience is ridiculed. How many individuals in the world put themselves in a vulnerable position to express a traumatic experience. What gain and motivation is there for the person expressing themselves? Usually, incidences of vulnerability makes you look weak. Who would like to portray themselves as weak especially on a public platform? 

The rationale behind the blog on harassment was to demonstrate the results of social conditioning of a pure word "sister" which South Asians use conveniently. When someone calls you "sister" in a public domain, if you flare up because of an experience, people would make you seem like an attention seeker. How on earth in a religious setting of a memorial service, you would like to create a drama of your own. It is easy to judge without knowing the facts. 

My concern was nothing else but my own weakness of not being able to take action, and the weakness I felt when I had to be helped to save the day. My anger was at myself for not being able to speak up for myself. 

For example, when a person exhihibit behavior such as cheating, they have to deliberately work on not cheating because cheating is what comes naturally to them as a learned behavior. 

Similarly. when a person is trained for years to think that when someone calls you his sister it is pure and harmless. How can you react? In such instances, you have to deliberately take a strong action because that won't be a natural reaction to such a situation. Moreover, you have to understand the setting events such as religious building, home, office etc. 

Some people write because it helps them to express themselves in a controlled and comfortable environment not merely to gain attention. 

This controlled and comfortable environment is not attention seeking merely. It is their avoidance behavior.