Talent

I work with individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities. The work that I have chosen for myself is satisfying to me. However, when people express it stating the following, it makes me wonder am I doing something extraordinary. 

I have heard questions and statements such as; What a great job you do? Isn't it rewarding? You are so blessed. You have a lots of patience. It must be so exhausting. God will bless you! 

Well, for all these questions and statements. I would just say this. It is my job. I get paid  for it. I studied for it. I love what I do. I should be passionate about my work. Am I doing something extra? Is it any different from what an accountant, mechanic, engineer does? I don't think so. For example, I have colleagues who are accountants and managers who make budgets for these individuals with disabilities. They might have a different job, that is, they might not be directly involved with humans, their emotions and needs. But they serve them in their own ways. 

I don't know why we have to make people  holier, because of their job responsibilities and natural traits. They probably do things because that is their natural talents or that is what they have learned and acquired to do as part of their job requirements.

For years, I have always been told great works of mother Teresa and Abdul Sattar Edhi. I respect both enormously. However, it usually makes people extremely uncomfortable when I tell them, that they were doing what they enjoyed to do. They were not doing anything extraordinary. I don't mean from world's perspective or in a negative way. But I mean it from their personal perspective. If something they did comes naturally to them, then I don't think it is work. Do you think it's a big deal? 

Some human traits are God's gift to some individuals. We might view them as great works that need to be rewarded and recognized. However, for them it is them being themselves which is nothing extraordinary. 

Talents and traits are God's gift. We don't feel pressured when we are using them. Some learned behaviors that we acquired over a period of time  become part of us. 

What we have acquired over a period of time as a talent or what nature has bestowed upon us, sometimes being rewarded for it is not what we need but what the world wants us that we need.  

Solution 

Everybody deals with their concerns differently. I've been writing about harassment for last few times. I have been in a constant fight to figure out a solution.  Today, at lunch with a colleague I shared my concern. It was interesting how she approached the issue. She expressed that in most cultures and religions women are taught to be submissive.  Eventhough, women might see themselves as strong naturally. They still fall victim to the product of their culture and environmental setting. Individuals learn set rules and regulations from their culture. However, when they go against it, they feel they are rebelling it which makes them uncomfortable. 

On the other hand, she expressed that men in many cultures have been taught to see women  as objects, so they just act according to what has been taught to them. 

She suggested that if an awkward situation of harassment occurs ( where you have the power to act), where an individual does not feel like rebelling or tend to make individuals around awkward, they should just say in a  friendly but an assertive way, that they like their personal space and do not like to be touched physically. She added that with this, your message is communicated in a positive way. I think that a brilliant analysis and advice. 

Hope no one has to go through an uncomfortable situation again. 

 Situations do vary and one solution is not ultimately the answer to all the problems. 

Ridiculed Expression 

It is frustrating when your account of an experience is ridiculed. How many individuals in the world put themselves in a vulnerable position to express a traumatic experience. What gain and motivation is there for the person expressing themselves? Usually, incidences of vulnerability makes you look weak. Who would like to portray themselves as weak especially on a public platform? 

The rationale behind the blog on harassment was to demonstrate the results of social conditioning of a pure word "sister" which South Asians use conveniently. When someone calls you "sister" in a public domain, if you flare up because of an experience, people would make you seem like an attention seeker. How on earth in a religious setting of a memorial service, you would like to create a drama of your own. It is easy to judge without knowing the facts. 

My concern was nothing else but my own weakness of not being able to take action, and the weakness I felt when I had to be helped to save the day. My anger was at myself for not being able to speak up for myself. 

For example, when a person exhihibit behavior such as cheating, they have to deliberately work on not cheating because cheating is what comes naturally to them as a learned behavior. 

Similarly. when a person is trained for years to think that when someone calls you his sister it is pure and harmless. How can you react? In such instances, you have to deliberately take a strong action because that won't be a natural reaction to such a situation. Moreover, you have to understand the setting events such as religious building, home, office etc. 

Some people write because it helps them to express themselves in a controlled and comfortable environment not merely to gain attention. 

This controlled and comfortable environment is not attention seeking merely. It is their avoidance behavior. 

Guilty me or Guilty them

I was just feeling awkward as the person kept moving towards me. I did not know what could be an appropriate word to stop someone for making those subtle advances. What can you probably think of when you know his wife is also there? Maybe she will stop him.  Isn't it the most frustrating moment when they start touching you in the most uncomfortable manner while they simultaneously  call you their sister. It is the hardest to come out of such an uncomfortable situation. When know it is wrong but you feel helpless. Because they  are using the most appropriate social word "sister" that  if you flare up, people will call you attention seeking.

Well,  right at the moment when you need a savior, God sents you an angel. My sister read my  facial expressions, she pulled me towards her and gave me a hug and moved me away from the situation, 

I was angry at myself. Why I needed an angel? A savior? Why I needed a soldier? Why I could not speak for myself? Why? The society has trained my mind to think in a way that if someone calls me a sister they don't have cruel intentions. It is a beautiful relationship they cannot harass or molest you. Is that really true? What did I do wrong? Why am I blaming myself for someone else's disgusting behavior ? 

Does wearing a dress? Being confident? Being warm? Being nice gives people the wrong meaning? 

Guilty me or guilty them!!

Basic Human Need 

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Well, I wanted to make lemonade, life started throwing everything at me like pasta, curry, vegetables, and other fruits. What can you do? Add them and make what? Ha ha 😜

Life is so simple and easy when you  are living it. Life is so honest when you self-talk to yourself. What happens when you try to interact with someone who is confused? What happens when that person starts to confuse you more? What happens when that person ask you to make a checklist? What happens when that person tells you about the checklist they have for you? When individuals are confused and they are still at that level  of immediate gratification. You cannot satisfy them with your philosophy. If a person was still at the basic level of reinforcement, the basic human need is what he/she needs how can you expect them to be at a different level. 

The basic need is the necessity of having sex, money,  food,  air and clothing. It is unrealistic to expect of them about the deeper meaning of life. You cannot blame them.  Blame them for what? Their fixation for their basic human need. Their confusion and manipulation will play along to achieve those needs. Such people to me seem like children who look for companionship after they complete their homework. They don't want any deeper understanding of friendship as their interest is just to satisfy their need to play. They have no clue of commitment because for them it is convenience. When people seek you out for convenience, it is your fault not their because that is their need.

The Heaven Wants Her More! 

I feel all the organs of my body are screaming. They are screaming so loud. I hear their noiseless screams. My body is shaking inwardly. Every tear is trying to catch up with the other. Is it a marathon? I'm speechless. I'm helpless. Trying to have the organs  communicate with each other. They are unsure how to react. React in celebration of a soul well lived or condole each other for the loss. Then lost a touch they infrequently experienced. They lost an encourager who gave them strength. Then lost a mother who did not give birth to them. Maiya Maso, they lost everything!


May  your soul Rest In Peace. Amen

Everyday, I love you 

by

Boyzone

https://youtu.be/6QQQKJJBJOY

I don't know, but I believe

That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you

I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn something new
Everyday I love you

'Cause I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you

Everyday I love you boy
Everyday I love you

'Cause I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you