Qandeel Baloch

Honor Killing? Histrinoic Personality Disorder? Media? 

Who to blame? 

We are trained to walk on egg shells. As long as something is not affecting us we choose usually to refrain ourselves from speaking about it.

Qandeel Baloch was recently strangled by her own brother apparently for honor. I am not sure how it took years for a brother to speak up now about his sister's acts, which made him uncomfortable. Well, I don't want to touch the political and legal side of the case as I am not much aware of it. 

However, I am interested to understand the making of Qandeel Baloch and her brother Waseem. Immediately, after the news of her murder, I started reading and researching about her. In my search to understand the situation I tried to read stories from different perspectives. I happened to watch her audition on "Pakistan Idol". All the judges were speaking with her with utmost disrespect. Would they have treated their President, or any other country's president or any other other person who was respectful in their eyes. No? Yes? Any thought? I just do not understand how people have the nerve to humiliate a fellow human being. After that video, everything became history as the girl tried and struggled to get attention, her own way. For a person, who is trying to get publicity both negative and positive attention is reinforcing. 

How come, our media does not take responsibility of creating her and ultimately participating in killing her. No one ever spoke up or tried to get security when she cried for help. Was it not important? 

Observing her behavior on TV and her videos. I also assessed her probably as an individual having symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder. Some of the symptoms could be identified in Qandeel's personality such as 

1. A person gets uncomfortable in situation where he/she does not get attention. 
2. Sexual, seductive and provocative behavior
3. Shallow behavior where emotions are shifting 
4. Behavior where there is no depth and detail 
5. Physical appearance dramatize to gain attention
6. Self-dramatization 
7. Consider more intimacy with people than in actual life (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders)

Nobody in our culture tries to assess based on psychological needs. They always judge people based on their perception of the situations, circumstances and their own idealogy of self-righteous and piousness. Piousness is subjective. What piousness means to me might not mean to another individual. Moreover, psychological issues also does not mean that an individual cannot function properly in a society. Individuals might have different psychological needs. Why no therapy is provided? It is sad how her family never felt that she might have had a psychological problem. Their lack of awareness, educational background and low socio-economic  status just led them to let continuous judgement of the society impact their family decisions. So much so that it ultimately led in a brutal step of killing her. 

One of the interviews, that I read stated how scared she was when her recent music video was coming out. However, she stated that once it was out, she was scared no more and was ready to face the world again. Well, I feel sad how this young woman had to lose her life,which could have been beneficially utilized if guided properly. She had no strong family background. 

She was a product of her struggles and circumstances. I am not sure who to blame. Her brother, who I believe himself was a product of the society. His courageous acceptance of his crime speaks a lot about his pride and awareness that the society accepts his acts. 

Well, she might not be able to "bounce back" like she said she will. However, her death definitely raised questions and awareness of the sensitivity of this concern in the world. 

Humans are different, they were raised differently, they will act differently to circumstances. However, even though they are different they should be treated equally with respect and honor.

#QandeelBaloch #HonorKilling #humanrights #media #responsibility #humanity #respect #understandingbehaviors 

Sparkle in His Dying Eyes

I wondered how some eyes could sparkle knowing that they would not live to see. What would a degree from a prestigious university mean to a person dying in a few months? What could any materialistic possession would mean to someone who would not stay to enjoy it or what would LOVE mean to someone who could not stay to be there for his dear ones?

I got addicted to such a guy a few weeks before his death. I visited him more than I needed to just to understand him more. I would visit him with an intention and curiosity to comprehend the strength behind those sparkling eyes. I was intrigued why no tears yet. I wanted to see him break down and cry. I could not imagine where that strength came when all the walls around him were collapsing. I wanted to hear the weakness behind those sarcastic and playful words towards humanity. He played well with sarcasm that I wondered if it was pain he was trying to relate. I wanted to travel behind those eyes to collect all tears that were scared to come out. 

Love really makes you vulnerable. Recently, I covered a journey of 11 years back to my past in a few seconds. My eyes immediately watered, overwhelmed, imagining those sacred emotions I felt back in those days. I could literally see a mother in her dupatta covered sitting next to the side of the hospital bed waiting for her 23 year old son die. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her son a graduate from a prestigious management university of Lahore was waiting for his death call. He was diagnosed with liver cancer. I walked in that room as a no significant help but a psychology intern who was assigned to that floor. I entered unknowingly that I would end up falling for someone who is waiting to die. How was he cheerful at his death bed? This question still bothers me, These images that were dawning on me after 11 years were strong like a second living experience. I could see vividly and hear every word so clearly. 

The boy kept teasing his mom playfully with sarcastic words that were so ironic. He asked his mother whether her crying was an early celebration for his departure, He wanted to know whether she was sad that no one will tease her anymore. He teased her to video tape him. He kept insisting his mom why she was not ready to make the present great. I did not understand what was important for the guy to keep his mom entertained or be scared and anxious for what was coming. Was he actually doing both? He kept giving his mother courage for future and hope for a better tomorrow. This used to frustrate me. Everyday, I prayed for that guy. He did not know how important his life became to me. I had developed much love and respect for him in a few days. I was scared for him. 

Seriously, I wanted to feel scared for him. The feelings I did not see in him but desired to see in him, was I selfish? I wanted to burst out crying for him. I wanted to be anxious and fearful for him. I wanted to express my fear screaming at his mother as him to tell her how hard it was to face death and how scared I was. 

But his smiles just confused me. I never got time to speak with him by myself. However, his mom hugged and cried with me. He laughed. I did not know how to respond. I use to walk out of their room straight to the duck pond at the hospital. I use to hysterically burst into tears sharing all my feelings with the ducks in the surrounding. 

Well, it did not last very long. One day I entered the room to hear the nurse say it with no feelings that the patient expired last night. EXPIRED! Patient? I regretted not saying bye to him or his mother. I just walked straight out the door holding my tears for the ducks. I knew the ducks would understand the pain. They heard my story well! 

Understanding the Dating Websites

How authentic people are on dating websites? Do we show our true selves? Is it an easy and secure way of meeting people? How honest are we about ourselves? I don't know answer to any of these questions. 😜

I have tried explaining to my family. You would not find a match for me. Not because I have some self esteem issues but generally I cannot act angelic. I am who I am! People who accept me for who I am have stayed with me. The ones who have tried to change me are nowhere to be found!! (Chuckles) 

Well, look even Salman Khan (Indian Actor) is single and Priyanka Chopra (Actor) has not found her right guy. The issue is not with them. They both are gorgeous and well established. They meet a lot of people. However, not everyone you meet is your soulmate. People who see you in your worst and still want to embrace you at the end are the ones who love you. People we meet are not like watching a movie you like some parts of it and you can fast forward the rest. 

You have to be upfront and bluntly honest. You will scare them for sure but only that will demonstrate if they have the guts and desire to be with you in the long run. 

What the cover shows is not always what you ultimately get! The hardest and honest people I have met are the nicest and genuine individuals. 

Recently, I tried making a profile on a dating website for a few hours. I did not write much because I did not have any nice things to say (Chuckles!! You know yourself the best) As soon as I stepped in. I got a nervous break down. Everybody had the nicest profile. They had done so much and achieved so much and were so nice. I felt how come I signed up for an angelic website. I totally felt I was trained by the devil himself!

Humans are not commodity on an aisle of a supermarket. You can be lucky and find the right product or not. 😜

Let us meet individuals with a blank slate. How we act in public is not usually how we act behind our close doors. Our overt thinking does not always match our covert thinking and reasoning. 

We dress to impress!! We have created a  soundbite culture. 

#datingwebsites #soundbite 

LET US CONNECT TO KNOW NOT TO JUDGE

God created all living beings.

Humans are living beings created by God.

Human Beings = Jews = Christians= Muslims = Hindus = Buddhist = Individuals who believe in God /No God

According to all religions, the devil does not have the power to create.

All humans are created the same way. 

All individuals have a right to express their beliefs to other individuals.

Individuals should not force their beliefs on others.

Keep in the parameters of respect when expressing your beliefs.

Others have a right to agree or disagree with you.

POINTS TO REMEMBER 

1. Be honest about your beliefs. 
2. Openly share and explain your beliefs.
3. Do not think your beliefs are better than other individuals’ beliefs and opinions. 
4. Individuals have a right to agree and disagree with your beliefs and opinions. 
5. Do not lose your individuality accommodating others’ beliefs and opinions.
6. Respect others who do not share your beliefs.
   

   Let us connect to know each other rather judge based on any man made category! 
   
   

Autism Speaks Autism Teaches 

As a therapist or an educator,  one always  feel an expert of teaching skills to the individuals with special needs. However, the fact is that an expert is just helping children with autism experience their surrounding in news ways that they have not experienced before (Greer & Speckman, 2009). We are not really inducing anything new, just exposing the individuals to an environment that they were not exposed to or were aware of.

Individuals who have never been exposed to children diagnosed with autism might not be aware that these individuals are not socially aware. They would not care what other people think of them, at least with the children that I have worked with. They do not care if you think they are not smart, genius or organized ( which ironically a lot of them are). I sometimes really envy my students with autism for this characteristic where they do not care about and for what others think of them and continue to do what they are best at.

Let us learn from them! Let us stop listening to the judgements around us and continue to be the best at what we like the most.

Autism speaks and autism teaches!

Let Go of Things! 

Be Present and Okay With it! 

Yesterday in yoga class when the instructor instructed the class to be in savasana and delivered instruction on the importance of being in savasana, while the students were in savasana, I felt embarrassed! 

Let me rewind a bit! Savasana is a corpse pose. You play dead and do not move. You can only breath. After a long standing series when the sweat was running down I felt the urge of wiping the sweat and scratching my head. I felt a flow of sweat forming river streams between the strands of my hair. I felt embarrassed because my wiping and scratching movement came when the instructor was in the middle of lecturing how important it is to let go and be still in savasana. He looked at me and smiled. All I did was smile back with my eyes giving the most innocent look. I was caught stealing cookie from the jar! I learned how easily our brain gets distracted. 

Hardest to learn in life is being present, staying still and trying hard to avoid and getting out of the situation as soon as possible. Our situations those times seem like fish out of water or a non swimmer in a pool experiences. 

We give power to our situations and hardships. Once we learn to be present we forget that it is painful. 

” The ‘good life’ begins when you stop wanting a better one” – Nkosiphambili E. Molapis

We run from pain towards joy but believe it or not we learn from both. I have been trying to teach this to myself than to others. I need to stop running towards the best because what I have now is the best. 

Am I controlling you or you control your own behavior?

Many a times we take decisions in our lives that we conveniently blame others for. We project our weakness by blaming it on being manipulated by others. Our compulsive way of acting in a certain way is our decision. Well who should we blame in such situations?

Recently, in a conversation with a peer I came to a conclusion that I am a master of my own behavior. We allow people to treat us a certain way. We forget that unconsciously or consciously we are taking a decision to let them treat us a certain way. Our decision!! Nobody  can force us to drink poison!

Won't we resist when someone forces us? When we give in to an idea. We are agreeing to the idea. It might seem as someone is controlling you, however you  are willfully giving them the control and the power to treat you the way they want to. Humans are victims of their own decision making. Their instilled idea of helplessness and not speaking up makes them a victim. Let us rise above our self victimization and enjoy our decision of taking responsibility of our own actions and decisions.