Stalking or Browsing

I was discussing with one of my friends about how two of my colleagues were stalking or browsing a previous employee’s Facebook page. I shared that how one person was sitting and the other person was standing and I passed by after dropping something in the mail. One of the individuals looked at me as she saw a ghost. However, the other person did not react and stayed calm. 

Anyways, my friend’s perspective was interesting. He said that what if they were just talking to each other and the page was just open. It could be because that previous employee must have posted something in general or related to his previous job. He said that may be it was a coincidence that two colleagues were standing talking to each other  and the page was just posted there. I told him about the controversial post of the previous colleague a week and a half back. He said that may be that was it. 

He said that not always everything is stalking sometimes it is browsing too or sometimes it is both browsing and stalking at the same time. 

But my last concern whether social media should be open constantly during work hours. 

Reality Bites Everyone

Being labeled as  conceited, cocky, arrogant, jealous and insecure is weird, as you cannot group them together. It is interesting that perception about one person changes based on environment and their relationship with other individuals. 

Recently, I have observed that people around me perceive me as jealous and insecure, however they also seem to think that I am cocky and conceited simutaneously. In retrospection, based on individuals labeling I analyzed my childhood and teenage years when I was not only encouraged to be better than others but almost punished or criticized when compared to my peers if I was not good or not better than them in studies, talents and skill sets.  Now that the idea has taken such a strong hold in my brain of comparison I feel the need to compete. However, what sometimes frustrates me is my grouping with people who I don’t feel a fair comparison to. I don’t know why God puts me in that predicament where I feel compelled to compare myself with people who are so different from me and not a competition. 

Ultimately admitting, I do have some kind of arrogance which frustrates me when people state  that people they compare to me are in my tier. 

Arrogance comes with hard work and persistence. Compared to mediocre ready to be picked up individuals. It just don’t seem right. 

In conclusion, I read this quote today, “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere” that led me to question myself, should I compare myself to a good girl who goes to heaven or to a bad girl who goes anywhere with random anyone. Is that even a comparison?? 

Russell Peters

On August 18, 2018 I went to a show to see Russell Peters. It was one of the gifts for someone special for his upcoming birthday.

Russell always brings new idea and enlightens me. Have you ever observed that you are sometimes so use to your culture and segments of it, that it would not feel weird to you. Things you have done for years or said for years would seem normal. Even things that your parents say to you would seem  to be a fact. I never thought that I was not allowed to have my opinion till recently. I could never make a decision and feel secure about it because I always thought that I would make a mistake. Making a decision and failing does not make your ability to make a decision invalid. It actually makes you feel that you did it on your way. Listening in a humorous way from Russell made me think how I take things for granted. Even now and then my ability to make decision was taken for granted. The process of understanding seems a journey and I still feel I am in a process not at a destination yet.

Truth be told

Truth is relative. Facts are relative. Nothing seems honest when you are not in the state of mind. Nothing matters when you have been betrayed all your life. Life seems to be like a train which is stopping at every small station/ running local when the hardest moments are being experienced. They don’t understand me. I feel I am fluttering and banging against the walls of my own existence. Trying to understand my truth and the truth they want me to know. Every time I try to trust someone it fails. Failure makes you weak and vulnerable. It makes you scared to be out of the box of your existence and experience the excitement of the reality in an exclusively vulnerable way.

Isn’t life worth living when it is strange and uncertain?

Pool Friendships

Friendships are easy in the pool. 😊 I was swimming when a first grader came and introduced herself and admired my nail polish. After that conversation Rest was history, we became best of friends as she started introducing me to everyone as her friend. She spelled words and told me how spelling “ inside” was easier than “outside”. She told me in my ear that her sister is mean to her but she still likes her sometimes. When I was leaving she asked me to stay. I told her I have other engagements. She came out of the pool and asked me for a hug and said “friends forever”. I just smiled. WOW!! Some friendships are easy, clear, pure and honest! Made my day !! 😊😊😊

Finding Puddles and letting them be!!

Slowly as I tried to live a little more trying to find my existence, I kept finding these puddles and bumps on my way, I tried to be careful and stepped aside so I don’t get hurt or get dirt on me. However, the existence of the puddles itself promises you a muddy and bumpy ride. Did I learn something from it or will I be prone to making same mistakes that I did before? Life teaches you lessons, people who learn from their mistakes are considered smart but who end up making same mistakes are considered fool. Fool?? Really??? Fools make emotional mistakes of forgiveness and forgetfulness. Life teaches them lesson in their own way of existing in existence. Slowly and steadily they make the same mistakes of finding the puddles in their existing existence  and letting them be!

Life is life

When you are sure about life is that really living your life? The fun in life are the mysterious turns that come unexpectedly. Vulnerability makes you uncomfortable but living through the uncomfort and uneasiness is the drill. I was talking to a specialist in the field of psychology and he said that avoiding a problem and not facing it might be a temporary solution but not a cure. Avoidance is laziness and living life without fear and pain is cowardness. Pain is not a bad thing. It strengthens you. It makes you more aware of your weaknesses. Once you live through it, you realize how strong you are and what a long way you have come.

Life is life when you live it not avoid it. Feel it not forsake it. You think of it not betray it. Life is life that is why you live it not hold it.